I hate waking up

How nostalgic that I'm waking up at the time of my previous title post. I can't seem to properly conjure what i am feeling now, maybe a little bit of loneliness shimmers with a lil mixture of hope. Images of her engulfs my mind, and rooted deeply in the darkest corner of my mind.

I hate being lost in the midst of searching for answers. There's always a lust to be with the person you like, and too much of it causes grieves. The world is never a kind world to begin with, and why am I being so kind to everyone?

If there's one thing i can change, aside from responsibility, its me being too attached to emotions. I may have like her in the past. Being unsure of myself, I ignored the feeling while searching for the answer deep within myself. As time slowly passes by, I have grown to truly like her.

I speculate, analyze, and wonder. In the process of hiding my feelings, I have involuntarily been avoiding her for certain times last month. It may have just been me being too over-analytic and being 'jealous', but it always crosses my mind that she seems to like another guy. I struggle to portray normalcy as heaviness pulls me down. Whenever i wake up from a deep sleep, my thoughts consumes my minds, and here I am to suffer from loneliness, from the thoughts of unable to be with her. I violently resist the feeling, for all it takes for me to be happy again is when happiness is all around her.

I wanted an answer. By then, I'll probably be a masked man, covering up my over-emotional, depressed personality with a replica of a happy, painless, optimistic person. The answers may not be my liking, but it would have ended my poignant and heartrending journey. My mind will be free from constrain, my thoughts remedied, and my soul rectified. I will truly cherish her decision, as I have always done.

I have never truly did anything despite my overwhelming feelings towards you. Across the summmer, I hope that you will achieve what you want, and enjoy it despite knowing that its gonna be boring! xD Laying the foundation to be a better and more optimistic person, I'll tried my best to get over this. It may last quite a while, but I'll put to my best that it won't interfere with our friendships!! :P

btw, cheers to Wen Shin and See Siang who's leaving for America tomorrow. All the best to Sam, Gab, Joshua, Foong May and other people out there who's leaving for UK. Best wishes to Graeme who's gonna transfer there - one of the few reasons why I could enjoy Genting.