Changes, Frustration, Tranquility

I have just read Clarence’s latest post on his blog, regarding his changes, his awareness, and his perception.

And it makes me wonder.

Am I changing? I hope not.

It made me ponder.

It has been weeks that I have been slacking off. Procrastination has since then been a part of myself. To say that I’m really busy is ridiculous. I myself have been the sole reason as to why I’m so busy. Taichi, Frisbee, Robotics, Anime/Manga, and as if hasn’t been bad enough, I’m taking up Ninjutsu.

However, if it is just that, then there isn’t a need for me to blog, as doing so over such an insignificant problem is just pathetic. The real fault lays in me being inconsiderate, insensitive, irresponsible, reckless, etc. It seems that whatever I have done, it has been a disastrous consequence. To name a few would be an attempt to make me feel better – What I’ve done wrong is more than uncountable. To list it all down would mean my dignity’s downfall.

In fact, I don’t even hope that I am myself lately *sarcasm*. If this attitude I’m appearing as is the reality of my image, then I’ll rather live my life imitating other people’s life style. It may sound ludicrous to all, but as of lately, I despise myself. I have been reiterating mistakes all over again, so much till that I hope to erase my existence from this world.

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Something just happened in between, and I got frustrated.

Computer doesn’t go the way I want.

Stupid Chinese input.

Thoughts overflow.

I’m desperate.

Why do I get so desperate?

I have vowed not to annoy her.

But deep down beneath my heart, I wanted to.

“You know you don’t want to stop trying”

This is so frustrating.

I can’t wait for anger to subside.

Feel like hitting something.

I shouldn’t be like this.

If doing it would screw everything up, I will not do it.

Contradiction?

What Swee Ki has written: 進一步，重如千斤。 退一步，輕如羽毛。 向前進，還是向后退？

my exact condition.

好烦!! 好烦!! 好烦!! 为什么突然间那么烦!! 很讨厌这种很烦的感觉!! 凡是烦事就会令人烦!! 不知该往哪方向而去? 都到了这地步,为何想那么多?

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I’ve just calmed down a bit…yes, all in one blog. Though I’ve been shifting in and out between blogging and doing maths.

I've just hanged my clothes, gonna rain soon...T__T

And I know why I’m so frustrated.

Sure makes a difference ehh after calming down?

To say that I am ok with 'stopping' is an utter lie.

Why I’m not myself lately, I think I have just gotten the answer.

I just don’t want to think, because I’ll ALWAYS 胡思乱想!! 真的很佩服自子!! Hahahaha! That’s why I don’t want to do maths. That’s why I procrastinate, as last minute panic makes you think less and do more!! But 事倍功半啊啊啊啊啊…not bad ehhh!!＝）That’s if you don’t scrutinize the quality of the outcome. Kekkeke~~~

I’m typing casually, because I feel so much so much better all of a sudden.

I don’t know she’ll like it or not. But I seriously think its better than doing nothing and letting everything pass instead. I know she’s annoyed sometimes, so lets find out why!! (I think I know, but its better to make sure~~~ omg…self-redemption >_<)

I just hope it turns out for the better =)

Now to focus on maths. Man, you all should learn from me, self-motivation!! =D kekeke~~~