Bro...

Yes, i have read Mun's blog...and that juz made me wondered...how does my bro think of me T___T

I like him, i have come to like him after his departure to study in Taylor. I still like him now, and i know i will still like him forever.

Reading her blog juz made me realized one thing, i'm kinda similar to her sister. My parents told me before, that my bro like me very much when we were very young, before i enter kindergarden...after that, everything becomes hell, to him at least. I complained before, but i'm not gonna complain now...

I won't said other stuff other than this, probably because i don't want anyone else to know how my bro used to treat me. I may have irritated him alot (unconsciously), and because of how he treat parents, he was treated a bit like a foster child. He probably doesn't know that they like him more than me, but i do. In my parents' eyes, i am always the second, thanks to my results when i was a kid. Hence i strive hard, really hard, and somehow in the midst of everything, espc how my bro treated me that time, I started hating my bro.

I wonder how he feels bout everything? Maybe if i do, i could really understand how Mun feels as well? How many really close friends do i know? How many of them that i really know what problems they are facing at home? I don't even know my Brunei friends that well...Yes Clarence, even after you explaining to me what have happened to your life all along, i'm all empty inside. I could only say what i do best, put everything out of heart, and live a life everyday.

I wanna help...but i don't know who to help, don't know who can i help, don't know how can i help. I'm so free of problems, fully aware that there are ppl much worse than me, yet i can't fully enjoy my life...

I'll append myself then, enjoy life, don't be down for no stupid reason, stress is nothing, learn to observe more, learn to help, learn to speak, learn to be responsible, learn to appreciate. These are such easy stuff that i can do it myself, something that i can control, something that i can work on! Why am i getting so down over some lame reasons?

And here i repeat to myself, be happy around friends, that's the only way to make them happy ehh? I noticed that when i can't help out, i stay quiet...I have been staring at her blog for almost one hour now, wanted to help, but don't know what to write. Maybe...leave her alone for now? I don't know, and i don't know why i am feeling so down for when it doesn't even happen on myself.

To myself: Go do your c-programming that you craved for...aren't you desperate to do that? Why the 'no mood' attitude now?